CONFISCATED PARCHMENT
by Analese-Evans
Summary: How the Weasley twins really discovered the wonders of the Marauders' Map.


The stench from the recently set off Dungbombs was still whiff able. Although caught, the culprits couldn't help but smile. Fred and George Weasley had successfully enhanced Mrs. Norris' scent of rotten eggs and dirt to one so indescribable and terrible that it could be detected a few corridors away.

The twins walked the familiar path to his office, ignoring Filch's muttering. Up ahead, a redheaded ponytail flashed in the lantern light. Looking closer, the two first years recognized their classmate.

"Who's there?" Filch called out.

"Analese Evans, I'm just checking the list on your door." the young girl responded.

"Well, get away from here and up to bed. Curfew's in twenty minutes and I won't hesitate to give you a detention." Filch replied.

"Good night, Mr. Filth." Evans waved.

Missing the slip up, Filch reached his door before the girl could round the corner. The door was slightly ajar, unnoticed by the bitter man. Opening the door fully, Filch became soaked with a bucket of what looked like slobbery water. The tiny snicker from down the hall revealed the troublemaker as the young girl.

"Amateur." Fred and George whispered in unison.

"Evans, get back here. You will also serve detention." Filch shouted. The twins couldn't help but laugh at the man who now resembled drenched rodent.

There were three chairs, one for an accomplice of the notorious Weasley Duo when necessary, as it was now. "Sit." Filch ordered, pulling out a few slips of parchment. He returned to his muttering, a few words were audible and caught by the three first years.

Looking again at the file cabinet, Fred spotted his favorite drawer: 'Confiscated and Highly Dangerous'. Sharing a glance with his brother, a plan was formed. All they needed was to convince Evans to help.

The girl watched the two pranksters share an obvious and familiar look, one of mischief. As if reading their minds, Evans understood their desire for a distraction.

Just then, Filch's frustrated muttering rose in volume. She didn't catch every word, but she did hear enough.

"Mr. Filch, I demand you take that back." Evans stated clearly, winking at the befuddled young boys.

"Shut your mouth, you idiot girl." Filch spoke without pausing in hunt for a quill.

"I am not an idiot!" Evans had jumped from her seat, fire flashing through her narrowed eyes. "And you, Mr. Filch, are nothing but an inept, incapable, illiterate, ill-mannered, indecent, inebriated, ill-natured, illogical, imbecilic, immoral, impersonal, impolite, inadequate, incompetent, inconsiderate, irreversibly stupid, impossibly ugly, in need of a bath, immeasurably crude, immensely agitating, impossibly annoying, inconceivably disliked, incredibly unwanted, incurably pathetic, indefinite idiot!" Evans' voice resounded off the walls in the silence.

"Shut up." Filch retorted.

"Why don't you?" the brave girl pulled out her wand. "Silencio!"

The twins snickered as the man tried to yell. With a smug smile, Evans made a great distraction. "Bye-bye." the girl waved and raced out the door.

Forgetting Fred and George, Filch chased Evans out the door.

"That was brilliant." George exclaimed as his brother searched the drawer. A small sniff of the air and the twins knew they had to hurry. Fred grabbed a handful of items before following his brother out the door.

The two jokesters ran all the way up to their common room. Finding an empty corner in the crowded room, the two examined their new prizes: a few expired Dungbombs from ten years ago, a couple Exploding Snap cards, some 'Filibuster Fireworks', some other common Zonko's products. But something caught their eye.

"Why would a bit of parchment be confiscated?" Fred questioned.

"Why would a bit of parchment be dangerous?" George countered.

"So, what'd we get?" Evans asked from behind them.

"You got away?!" the twins exclaimed.

"I took a couple shortcuts. It's not hard to out-run an old guy." the girl smirked.

"We just nabbed some Zonko's junk and some parchment." George stated.

"Can I see the loot?" Evans squeezed between her fellow fugitives. She picked up the parchment and studied it closely. "It can't be." she whispered. "The chances are so low."

"What?" the twins were lost.

"Let me try something." The girl once again pulled out her wand. Touching the blank paper with the tip, Analese muttered something like 'Analese Evans commands you to reveal your secrets'. The paper remained blank, but Evans smiled. "I insulted Filth for this piece of trash!" the tip lingered on the parchment, which was no longer blank. Writing appeared as if an invisible hand were scrawling with an unseen quill.

'_Messr. Moony presents his compliments to Miss Evans, express his enjoyment of the play on Filch and point out that it is true_.'

'_**Messr. Prongs agrees with Messr. Moony and would like to add that Filthy Filch is an ugly git**_.'

'**Messr. Padfoot would like to agree with Messrs. Moony and Prongs and register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever nabbed this, which is hardly a piece of trash.**'

'Messr. Wormtail would like to agree with Messrs. Moony, Prongs, and Padfoot.'

"That is ruddy brilliant." the twins chorused.

"As much as I appreciate the praise of my joke, my valuable practical joke time is being occupied. I have a plan to create so I can prank the Slytherins." Evans confused the boys farther with these statements.

'**_Messr. Prongs would like to encourage a fellow prankster in their adventures in combat against the revolting Slytherins._**'

'_Messr. Moony agrees with Messr. Prongs and wishes a fellow to not get caught by slimy Filch during the pranking exploits._'

'**Messr. Padfoot agrees with Messrs. Prongs and Moony, but would like to remind a fellow prankster to solemnly swear they are up to no good**.'

'Messr. Wormtail agrees with Messrs. Prongs and Moony, but tell Messr. Padfoot to shut his mouth, er, hand.'

"What does that mean?" Fred inquired as George pondered over the written words.

Evans sighed before speaking again, her wand still resting on the parchment. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." More writing appeared, spreading out from the wand tip.

"Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present… the Marauders' Map." the three redheaded troublemakers read aloud.

The Weasley twins shared a grin, "JACKPOT!"

END


End file.
